


Always In My Heart

by wendylesbiaburger



Series: The Big Gay Harry Potter Soulmate AU [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG WOLFSTAR FINALE FAM, M/M, Remus Lupin Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, okay it's part one of this chronologically but it's the last i wrote, so it's officially the Big Wolfstar Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 03:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendylesbiaburger/pseuds/wendylesbiaburger
Summary: Remus's soulmate being his best friend soon became the least of his problems.





	Always In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> TIME FOR THE BIG WOLFSTAR FINALE. This was never meant to be a series but here we are.

Remus’s life was the farthest from what one would call ‘good’. Even at the age of sixteen, it was far from it. Sure, he had his three best friends but turning into a werewolf was less than ideal. 

He’d learnt to live with it, but it still felt pretty isolating most of the time. Even if his friends became animagi to keep him company. He did appreciate it, and Sirius and James were able to keep him tamed. They’d said he was usually calm though. If waking up cuddled next to Sirius’s animagus form proved anything. He usually wondered how they ended up in that position but he wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t like it. It was comfortable. He just didn’t trust himself and was scared he’d end up hurting him in his sleep. He knew Sirius could ward him pff but he still had some fears. 

Still, he wouldn’t trade his friends for anything. 

He just had weird anxieties when it came to his soulmate. 

That was something he’d been struggled with for years. When he was told at a young age on his seventeenth birthday his soulmates name will appear on his skin in their handwriting, He didn’t deserve a soulmate, that’s what he’d felt for years. 

He mostly dragged himself through Hogwarts. He was dealing with a lot of turmoil with his upcoming birthday. He didn’t want to drag another person into his problem. He already knew no one would love him, so what was the point of bothering? Didn’t matter his birthday was literally tomorrow. 

He woke up to the sound of Sirius and James’ footsteps around their dorm. Or maybe stomps was the right way to put it. 

The rubbed his eyes and rolled onto his side, and seeing Sirius jumping on his bed and James standing on his trunk as paper airplanes flew around the room. 

He grumbled between a laugh. A sound came from Peter’s bed too, and he saw the lump that was Peter in his bed. “You’re gonna take someone’s eye out,” he said and covered his face with his pillow. 

A moment later he felt weight on his bed, or more so someone had jumped on his bed. 

“Moony!” came Sirius’s voice. Okay, he had to smile at that. 

He would usually tell him to fuck off but he stayed in his place, and Sirius dropped down onto the bed. 

“Moony!” he repeated, poking his side. 

“Stop!” he laughed, pushing him away. Tickling was the one thing he wouldn’t allow him to do and it was the one thing Sirius really loved to do. “Padfoot!” he yelped when he actually started to tickle his skin, going right for his hip as his pillow hell on the floor. 

He was able to knock him off of him, and Sirius fell to his side, so there heads were now next to each other. 

“Good morning,” he smiled. He was giving him that goofy smile where his eyes squinted, the one that made his stomach full of butterflies. 

“Morning to you too,” he mumbled back.

Even if his soulmate wouldn’t love him, having his friends was always a plus.

…

Remus was quiet for most of the day. He did pay attention in class, and for once ignored any and all James and Sirius’s antics. Even Sirius’s occasional poking before he would toss a paper airplane at Snape when McGonagall’s back was turned. 

He was mostly distracted by the fact he was finding out his soulmate so soon, and that there was twelve hours until he’d get his mark. Sirius was the only one of them who had his, but he hadn’t told them who it was for as close they all were. Between goads of how massively gay Sirius was, his soulmate never came up. Most people kept their soulmate quiet until they found them. It made him wonder exactly how people found their soulmates to begin with, but people always told their stories of how they were found. 

It didn’t matter anyway, his soulmate would run in the other direction when they saw him. 

He decided he wanted to mostly be alone that night. He wanted to just find out who it was on his own and then conceal it for as best he can and for as long as he could. Or if he was stampeded by them. Just to reject him to his face probably. 

“So, any plans for your birthday?” Sirius asked as they walked back to the common room. 

“Uh, I don’t know,” he shrugged and bit his lip. 

“Want to sneak out to the lake?” he asked, smiling at him. His eyes did that nice sparkling thing too causing those damn butterflies to come back. 

He shook his head. “No,” he said. Maybe any other night he would sneak out with him, he loved being around him overall. 

But he really needed to be alone when it happened. He didn’t need Sirius there. 

“Oh, okay,” Sirius nodded. “I’m gonna go down anyway, so if you change your mind I’ll be there.” 

He nodded and the smile he was giving him begged him to give him one back.

…

He ended up locking himself up in the bathroom that night, so he could be as far away from James and Peter he could be. Sirius was still down by the lake, after tranforming into his animagus from and jumping his way down. 

He snuck to the bathroom around five minutes before midnight. 

He locked himself into a cubical, closing the lid down to sit on. He didn’t think about how disgusting it might be, he just drew his knees to his chest 

He’d been told how it felt before. It felt like pins and needles in that one particular spot. 

He just sat and waited, and even though it would’ve only been a few minutes it felt more like an hour. But then he felt the prickling on his arm. He’d expected a feeling of relief but anxiety sparked thew him. A thin layer of sweat coated him, and his heart start to race. 

He could look at it, he just had to give it one look. Then he could figure out what to do. He probably didn’t even know them and it wouldn’t be a problem. 

He took a deep breath and tugged on his sleeve, keeping his eyes squinted shut and he took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and looked at his arm, and he felt a lump in his throat when he saw something that he didn’t expect to see but as the same time, felt like he should’ve expected.

Sirius. In his familiar handwriting. 

That at least explained why he wanted he wanted them to go down to the lake together. 

He was probably still there. And James had an invisibility cloak, which Remus took with him to the bathroom just in case Filch was stalking the corridors. 

He walked down to the lake as quietly as he could, but it was a long walk in the dark and trying to not make noise. 

He was still trying to process it being Sirius. He’d spent years telling himself his soulmate wouldn’t love him because he was a werewolf. 

But it felt a lot better knowing it was him. It felt good knowing it was someone who did love him even though he was a werewolf. Someone who wasn’t scared of him.

Someone who cuddled to him when he was in his werewolf form. 

Yeah, Sirius being his soulmate made sense. 

He finally got to the lake, and when he saw him sitting at the lake. 

He took a deep breath. “Sirius?” 

He saw his shoulders tense, but he didn’t turn to see him. He bit his lip and walked to sit next to him. He crossed his legs, allowing a little space between them so not even their knees were touching. 

Sirius cleared his throat. “Midnight already?” he asked but his voice came out weak. 

“Yep,” he replied. 

“Okay.”

Silence fell between them. Things were never weird between them, it wasn’t how they were. They were comfortable, they cuddled like it was nothing. They could comfortably be close, now he was scared of touching him. 

“Are you upset it’s me?” Sirius asked, his voice small. 

“No.” He’d expected the opposite. That Sirius was upset that he’d have to deal with a werewolf for the rest of their lives. “Are you?”

“Fuck no, Moony,” he breathed. “Of course not, I was scared you’d be the one to freak out. That’s why I wanted you to come down with me, I thought there’d be no other way to get you alone.”

It was a fair assumption to make. He almost didn’t come and maybe he would’ve stopped talking to Sirius out of fear. 

But his instinct had been to find Sirius and maybe listening to his instincts for once was okay. Maybe there was a reason his stomach always went into butterflies just by looking at him. 

So he shuffled that little bit closer so their knees touched. 

“You know what being together means, Padfoot.”

“I know it better than anyone,” he said and they were finally looking at each other. “I think we both know each other better than anyone else could.”

He was right. Sirius’s family was hell, and maybe it won’t be easy. Neither one of their lives were easy. 

“So the werewolf thing isn’t a problem?” he asked, his voice small. 

He shook his head. “It never was,” he said. “Honestly, my mother is almost as big as a problem. I know how to handle you in your werewolf from, Moony. How do you think we sometimes end up cuddling? You pretty much adore me in werewolf form.”

He blinked. “Really?”

He nodded. “I’ve heard that people can tell their soulmate is their soulmate by pheromone or something like that. Like, when I saw you after I got my mark I felt like I knew it was you, so those pheromones must’ve gotten more intense when you get your mark or something.”

“And that has to do with us being dogs how?”

“We can smell it as dogs, I guess. I think it makes you trust me.”

Being a werewolf was always something he blacked out off when it happened. He could never recall anything that happened. It was for the best really, he didn’t want to remember any of the horrible things he did. 

“I just don’t want to ever hurt you, so I guess that’s a relief.”

He bit his lip, and put his hand over his own. “I know you’d never hurt me on purpose,” he said. “I want to be with you as long as you want to be with me.”

He noticed how handsome Sirius looked in the moonlight. He was scared of the moon most of the time, but maybe it wasn’t so bad if Sirius looked this way in the light of it. 

Sirius wasn’t scared of him in any form. That made it okay somehow. 

So he leaned forward slowly, and locked his eyes with Sirius’s. Sirius watched him, and his eyes dropped down to his lips for a moment before going back to his eyes. He smiled. Not one of his cheeky smiles when he and James got an idea that was probably illegal. Or when he had an idea of embarrass Snape. It was a sweet smile. A smile that gave him those butterflies. 

And their lips pressed together softly and sweetly. Sirius’s lips were ridiculously soft, and he felt his face heat up as their lips gently moved together. He’d never kissed anyone before, and he wasn’t sure about Sirius but this somehow felt like they’d been doing it their whole lives. Like their souls were wrapping around each other. 

Yeah, he could take him as his soulmate. He wasn’t going to run away.

…

They told Peter and James the next day and they were beyond excited. It felt like the Marauders had another piece to it. 

They didn’t go parading around it, mostly because Sirius wasn’t ready for it potentially getting back to his mother. So they kept the snogging and cuddling to their room. It was nice, even with James’s playful goads. Sirius would just playfully stick his tongue out at him before biting Remus’s lip. 

During his werewolf nights, he still woke up cuddled next to Sirius as a dog. And now, instead of shuffling away and leaving him, he poked his side so he’d wake up and be coherent enough to turn back to his human self and they could cuddle for a while. It was like how Sirius would sneak into his bed and they could fall asleep next to each other. 

He felt so much love in his heart for this boy. He couldn’t even put it into proper words. He felt loved, and he felt so lucky his best friend was his soulmate. He wouldn’t trade him for anything. 

…

His soulmate was a murderer. 

When Remus heard what Sirius had done, that he’d revealed Jame and Lily’s location to Voldemort, that he’d killed Peter, he felt sick. He didn’t want to believe it. He’d lost sleep from it. This wasn’t the Sirius he knew, but it was easy to believe for most because he was a Black. 

He had a hard time believing it. Sirius wasn’t a death eater, he was in the Order Of the Phoenix and detested blood supremacy. 

But there were witnesses, and there was no way he didn’t do it. Didn’t murder their best friend. Didn’t cause their two other best friends to die. 

That was his soulmate. A murderer. 

It was the kind of soulmate a werewolf deserved. 

…

The past decade and a bit had been lonely. That was one way Remus would describe it. He mostly went through the motions, but getting a job at Hogwarts was the best thing that could happen. He was scared people might find out he was a werewolf and then parents would be outraged enough that he’d lose his job. Or that he’d hurt someone. Even with the potion Snape made him, he feared the worst. 

It was a lot to take in, especially when Sirius was in the news again. He had somehow escaped Azkaban. He must’ve used his animagus form somehow. That was his best guess. But he didn’t know how to feel about it because he was still a murderer. 

Just like he was still completely and desperately in love with him. 

He had a lot of turmoil. It was even more apparent when he saw Sirius’s name on the marauders map. And even worse when he realised that Sirius was innocent and he hugged him for the first time in years, trying his hardest to not kiss him with everything in him. 

Having him in his arms again was far from a problem. But losing him quickly as he did again, because proof Sirius was innocent was torn away from them because that night had to be a full moon and he had to ruin everything. 

…

Sirius came up to him when he was in his dog form. 

He gave him those puppy eyes he was good at both as a dog and a human. He couldn’t help but smile when he looked at him. Sirius licked his hand and rested his dog-chin on his knee. 

They were in the muggle part of London when it happened. Even though Sirius’s face had been on muggle news, he still dragged him to where the loos were, that was practically deserted. 

Sirius transformed back to his human form and for the first time in so long, it was just the two of them. 

He almost burst into tears when he saw him. He still looked like a ruffled mess and it had probably been a while since he’d showered or even brushed his teeth. But he didn’t care.

He stepped forward and hugged him. Sirius hugged him back as his head dropped onto his shoulder. 

He was holding him for the first time in so fucking long. When they weren’t being watched by anyone. They were alone for the first time in over a decade. 

“Hey Moony,” he mumbled. 

“Hey Padfoot,” he mumbled back and all he could do was hope things would stay happy.

…

They didn’t tell Harry or his friends or really anyone that they were soulmates. Maybe it was because they were so used to hiding it that it didn’t feel right to tell anyone. Maybe not until the war was really over. Even if people knew two men or two women could be soulmates, that didn’t mean people necessarily approved of it. Things had gotten a little better – one of the aurors who joined the Order found out her soulmate was another woman and no one batted an eye – but they were probably still a little caught in what they grew up around.

He stayed with Sirius when he got access to his old family home, even though he hated it. Proving his innocence was something they still had to go through. Sirius stressed over it a lot but he comforted him as best could. 

Sirius had a habit of hiding how stressed he was around most people. He only let himself show that to Remus. 

What neither expected was there to be a battle at Hogwarts. It was hard to process, especially when they thought Harry was dead. But when he brought He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named down, things finally seemed easier. Harry had said he’d vouch for him and prove Sirius’s innocence. 

They could figure it out later. 

They were sat in the Great Hall, as far away from most as they could be as people recovered as much as they could of it all being over. Sirius was resting his head on his shoulder, and for once it felt like things were really over. He ran his fingers through his hair, and it was weirdly relaxing to do it. Somehow comforting him made him feel better too. 

“Remus?” he asked, speaking up for the first time in a stretch of silence. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, his lips brushing against his temple. 

“I love you.” His voice was hoarse, but he could hear it, like he was scared to say it. And he would be. 

It was the first time he’d said it. 

Remus felt a tear roll down his face, and he nuzzled into his hair. 

“I love you too.” He felt so happy, and he hoped they could stay happy.


End file.
